


lost on you

by gammafrost



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 23:01:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21205496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gammafrost/pseuds/gammafrost
Summary: brienne and jaime try to save cersei from the kings landing attack together.





	1. Chapter 1

They were running, running, endlessly running through the merciless attack as if they were still hopeful, as if they wouldn't break apart no matter what happened, as if they weren't thinking of the choice at least one of them would he forced to make at the end of this. It was a mistake, Brienne knew that, all of it was a mistake. She had to try, though. She always had to try. 

Brienne held Jaime's good hand as they shielded each other from the rubble falling, from the ruthless soldiers killing left and right, from every scream and every cry. The dragon soared above them, scorching everything in its path, covering the city in ash and darkness with its huge black wings and fiery breath. Around them, innocents were screaming and bleeding and dying, innocents Brienne couldn't protect, innocents Jaime couldn't protect. 

Brienne looked at Jaime, his brows furrowed in concentration and anger and pain, his teeth clenched, his grip on Brienne's hand becoming tighter and tighter as more and more buildings collapsed right near them. 

She thought of the day before, in the cold snow and early morning wind of Winterfell. How she'd woken up all alone, her bed cold and empty, how scared she'd been. How scared she'd been when she saw him standing there, fumbling with his horse with his one hand, ready to abandon her without so much as a goodbye. How she'd taken his face into her hands lovingly and begged him to stay with her, to never leave her. How he'd brushed his thumb over her hand softly and whispered he had to do this. He had to go back. 

And she'd said she'd go with him. Even while they were on the brink of death, the only thing worse would be leaving Jaime behind. 

Neither of them had spoken of what Jaime planned to do if they ever managed to get Cersei out of the castle alive. For a moment, Brienne had been selfish and naive enough to let herself believe Jaime would choose her after all. She would not dwell on that hope. If she hadn't stopped him, he would've been here alone, desperately trying to find his sister and live out a happy life with her, somewhere far away from Brienne. 

The dragon roared again, the sound deafening. Blackened buildings and bodies lay all around them, some people still bleeding and begging for help or for death, others cradling a lifeless figure in their arms, their hot tears sizzling when they hit the ash. 

Jaime yelled at her and Brienne couldn't hear him, but she felt him pull on her arm harder and drag her into a small alley, away from the dragon. 

Or so they thought. 

The monstrous creature flew behind them within a matter of seconds, so low Brienne could almost make out Daenerys Targaryen on its back.

Brienne didn't want to look back, but she couldn't resist as the monster opened its enormous mouth and fire burned up in its throat. She dove into a building as quickly as she could and tried to drag Jaime along with her, but he suddenly jerked his hand away and Brienne _knew_. 

She looked around in horror, seeing Jaime collapsed on the ground, screaming in pain. His golden right hand lay several feet away, violently blown off his arm. His skin had been burned off, so all that remained was blackened flesh. His arm was shaking uncontrollably as he thrashed around on the ground until his eyes eventually rolled back in their sockets and he blacked out. 

Brienne screamed and ran for him, holding him up in her arms and dragging him inside the house she'd managed to take shelter in, careful not to let his right arm touch the hard filthy ground. She begged him to wake up, begged him not to die, not when they were this close to the Red Keep. Not when they still had a chance at something better.

After several excruciating minutes, Jaime slowly opened his green eyes, tears pouring down his face the moment he could make out his surroundings again. He groaned and let out a heart wrenching cry at the sight of his arm, burned and flayed. Brienne kissed his forehead, her tears mixing with his on his face. 

Brienne helped him up and had to support him, his left arm tight around her neck as he could barely walk anymore. The Red Keep doomed up before them. Brienne saw the dragon flying in the distance. Bricks fell from the sky along with black smoke and Brienne caught a glimpse of a girl, no older than eighteen, helping children and women stand up and get out of dangerous buildings. Brienne cried out and wanted to help her, but she couldn't. She wouldn't leave Jaime here to die. 

The gates to the Red Keep were closed and Brienne cursed it, cursed the entire city and most importantly Cersei and Daenerys, the reasons they were here in the first place. 

Jaime could barely speak, but he managed to raise his left arm slightly and point around the Red Keep, to the shore behind it. Brienne nodded, silently understanding what he wanted, and started struggling to get them around the castle. 

The dragon had begun its flight to the castle now. Brienne could see over the walls after climbing several flights of stone stairs, dragging Jaime behind her as if he was already dead. She regularly stopped to see if he was still with her. She saw the dragon scorch the people inside the gates first. Innocent people, thousands of them by the looks of it. Why were they even there? Had Cersei genuinely wanted to bring them to safety, or were they merely her human shield? 

Jaime fell down on the steps and Brienne sat beside him, holding his left shoulder and pushing his face into her chest as a quick embrace, as a quick way to show she would always be there for him. She kissed his lips softly and told him she loved him, begged him to stay with her once more. Tears welled up in her eyes when she realized just two nights before, he had happily made love to her all night, whispering sweet words into her ear as she tangled her fingers in his hair and pushed him in closer, and closer yet. They'd fallen asleep with their hands laced together, after Jaime had whispered he loved her and she was beautiful. 

He breathed heavily and reached out his hand for Brienne to help him stand up. The Red Keep was huge and tall and Brienne lost the beach behind the endless number of red towers. In his state, Jaime couldn't help her much. She had to push her way through the crying, wounded, dying people, walking over corpses and ignoring pleading children. It made her sick to her stomach. Tears poured down her cheeks again as she finally caught a glimpse of the beach again, its blue waters almost peaceful as if the massacre happening only a few hundred feet before it never existed. 

Brienne saw an old boat, nothing much, nothing truly useful, but if they could make it work it would be infinitely better than nothing. She tried to remember its exact location as she pulled Jaime along over the white sand. Behind her, she heard the sky collapse. If she drowned the sounds and the heat and the smoke out, she could try to imagine this place was beautiful. 

Jaime stopped before a small cave, painfully saying they'd made it. In the distance, Brienne saw smoldering Greyjoy ships. Hundreds. She carefully inspected the entrance to the cave for anyone waiting for them. If someone found them here, they would probably assume they'd come here to kill Cersei. 

This was a ridiculous plan. Cersei would have Brienne murdered the second the stepped foot into the castle, and she had put a price on Jaime's head. They couldn't even be certain she hadn't already met her death. Jaime looked at Brienne with his huge pleasing eyes and Brienne sighed, pulling him into the dark, empty, long cave. They reached the dungeons of the Red Keep. She saw countless dragon skulls, every single one bigger than the last, but not one of them stronger than the demon currently ravaging the city. 

Cersei wasn't here. Above her, Brienne heard the dragon's wings and heard its roar again. She hid herself and Jaime in one of the largest dragon skulls, hoping it would serve as enough protection if the ceiling fell on their heads. Nothing happened, though, and they made their way upstairs into the actual castle. 

It was too huge to ever find Cersei. She could be hiding anywhere. She could've already left the city and be on her way to Pentos. They could come across her lifeless body at any point. The thought terrified Brienne. What would Jaime do if they were too late? 

Brienne found the throne room first. The Iron Throne stood still and powerful, empty and dark. Hundreds of swords made it look sharp and dangerous and Brienne could only think _Cersei is not here._ Jaime groaned besides her and Brienne held his hand tightly, squeezing it as if that would somehow get then out of here alive. 

Jaime muttered something about possibly knowing where Cersei was, and Brienne let him slowly lead the way.

They found Cersei, a tiny, cowering shell of the former queen, terrified and alone. She had abandoned her crown and she was holding onto her lion pendant for dear life. She had nobody around her, she was simply walking around aimlessly, trying to stay in the open air. The roof over her head had been blown off and bricks lay all around her, breaking the marble map of Westeros she was standing on. 

Jaime could whisper her name, and she turned around as if she'd been stung. She didn't recognize either of them at first, until Jaime carefully freed himself from Brienne's grasp and walked towards Cersei. Cersei's mouth fell open as her eyes were locked on Jaime's right arm. She whimpered like a child and Brienne couldn't help but feel for her. 

"What happened?" Cersei asked, her voice breaking instantly as she embraced Jaime, not touching his right arm. 

"The dragon got him," Brienne answered shortly. They would have time for feelings and stories on their way out of King's Landing. 

Cersei ignored her. "You came back for me," she cried to Jaime, who brushed her hair out of her face with his left hand before taking her face into his hand and softly stroking his thumb over her cheek. It hurt, to see him with Cersei like that. Brienne knew he wouldn't just return to her as her brother, he never could, but she found she'd hoped he would save her this, for now.

"We can get out of here. Do you trust me?" Jaime sounded like every word he uttered was causing him terrible amounts of pain. 

The question itself seemed to break Cersei. 

"Her, too?" She whispered, probably hoping Brienne hadn't heard her, or not caring if she had. 

"All three of us. Four," Jaime said, looking down at Cersei's belly. Brienne had almost forgotten she was still pregnant with his child. "Do you trust me, Cersei?" 

Cersei nodded and took his hand, supporting him the best she could. Brienne didn't want to look at them like this, didn't want to see them together as the beautiful golden gods they were, so she ran far ahead of them, occasionally looking back to see if Cersei was still holding Jaime up.

The dragon soared over their heads and a pillar collapsed next to them, the bricks falling at Brienne's feet. She screamed at Cersei and Jaime to stay in the middle of the hallways until she finally found an entrance to the dungeons. She had trouble fitting herself through the small opening and looked back once more to see Cersei struggling to lead Jaime through. 

"Go!" She yelled at Cersei, and took Jaime's hand into her own, slowly leading him down the steps. He fell down at the bottom again, and Brienne kissed him, taking his face into her hands. 

"Don't leave me, please," she cried. "Not now." 

She pulled him up and frantically started looking for a way out, but everything was shut closed by piles of bricks. Cersei stood in the darkness, uselessly looking around. It agitated Brienne way more than it should. Cersei wasn't strong enough to clear the way, she could probably only focus on her panic, and _yet_ Brienne wanted to force her to at least try. 

Near the end of the tunnel, Brienne finally saw some sunlight shining through into the cave. Cersei saw it at the same time and ran ahead, her heels and long gown making it extremely difficult for her. Brienne dragged Jaime along as fast as she could. Bricks started falling down around them. The entire building would fall on their heads if they didn't make it out now. 

A brick suddenly hit the back of Jaime's head and he fell down. He curled up and cried out, before blacking out for a few moments again. 

"Leave me," he said after coming to. "I won't make it." 

"No-" Brienne started. She would not leave Jaime behind ever again. 

Cersei kneeled beside him and pulled him up just slightly, so his head rested in her arms. She kissed him long and deeply and it hurt _so much_, but Brienne let Jaime kiss her back and she didn't do anything as Cersei told him they were the only two people in the world as if she genuinely didn't notice Brienne standing only a few feet away. 

Cersei ran towards the sunlight and was gone in moments. More and more bricks fell around Brienne and Jaime as she wrapped her arms around him, trying desperately to make him stand up, but he refused. 

"Goodbye, Ser," he smiled sadly. 

"Goodbye," Brienne said. She wanted to kiss him one last time, but she would taste Cersei on his lips. Even holding him felt strange knowing Cersei's fingers still lingered on his skin. 

"I'm yours," Jaime whispered. "Always." 

"Always," Brienne replied. She held him tight until Jaime told her to go right now. Looking back one last time, she escaped through the cave and left him alone. 

Her eyes had to adjust to the blinding light of the sun and the white beach and the glittering sea, and she was outside and she was alive and so was Cersei. 

The passage crumbled down behind Brienne. The dragon blocked the sun with its leather wings and screeched.


	2. Chapter 2

Cersei felt a strong hand on her shoulder, turned around, expecting, praying Jaime had somehow made it out alive. The ghost of his lips lingered on hers, his breath made her skin tingle. But it wasn’t Jaime. Brienne of Tarth towered over her, ridiculously brutish and awkward. Her cheeks were glistening with salty tears and her lips were quivering and Cersei wanted to hit her in the face for it, for daring to cry over Jaime as if they actually shared something, but it would be useless. 

She ignored the woman - if she could even be called that - and felt tears welling up in her own eyes. She looked behind her and saw the bricks locking Jaime inside forever, locking him away from her forever. She heard the dragon’s leather wings and its fiery breath and she saw the Greyjoy fleet sending thick, black smoke into the clouds. 

“We have to go,” Brienne’s broken voice came from the distance. 

Cersei cursed her. She heard Jaime’s voice in her head over and over again, and now she would never hear it again. 

Brienne pulled her arm again, gently, but Cersei pulled it away as if she’d been stung and tried to push Brienne away from her as hard as she could, to no avail. Brienne didn’t move an inch, and instead looked at her with almost pleading eyes, only increasing Cersei’s everlasting anger. 

“I’ll get us somewhere safe,” Brienne said, and her hatred for Cersei was as apparent in her voice as it was in her eyes. The word ‘us’ seemed hard for her to say. 

Cersei looked back once more, saw the Red Keep ominously rising up above her, collapsing quickly as the dragon still soared over it. It left the throne room intact, it seemed. If Cersei had just hidden there and waited for Jaime to find her, they would be alive, they could have sat out the storm and Jaime could have killed the Targaryen girl the second she set foot in the room the same way he had done with her father all those years ago. 

Instead, Jaime was probably buried under a pile of bricks by now. All his bones would be broken. Cersei wondered when the rotting smell would start, when his eyes would lose their color and when she wouldn’t be able to recognize him anymore, if she ever got to see him again at all. 

She slowly followed Brienne along the shore. The wet sand covered her boots and made it hard for her to walk, as did her long dress. Brienne, glad she was walking along, ignored that and marched ahead of Cersei towards the boat she had apparently found them.

“Get in,” Brienne demanded.

The boat was small and looked dangerously old and broken. Cersei touched it before slowly getting inside, careful not to fall over. She should have been here with Jaime. Instead, Brienne got into the boat, sat down facing her and started rowing. Cersei was facing the Red Keep, still, and she wanted to scream and she wanted to fight her way back to Jaime and still save him. She would sacrifice Brienne for it in a heartbeat. 

Brienne rowed them through the remains of the Iron Fleet. Cersei’s vision got blurry and her eyes more watery than they already were, and the smoke entered her lungs rapidly and she coughed until her throat was sore. She tried to cover her face with her sleeve but it didn’t help. Brienne told her to keep quiet in case someone on the ships was still alive and thought them an enemy, and with fear in her heart Cersei thought of Euron. Was he alive? Would he come looking for her, would he kill her now that she had lost the war? 

Brienne got them through the burning ships and they were at open sea, huge blue waters stretching out far behind Cersei. It was cold. The wind howled and almost drowned out the sounds of the dragon. It almost drowned out Cersei’s own thoughts.

“Where are you taking me?” Cersei demanded. To Winterfell, probably. Cersei didn’t trust Brienne. Would she not give her to Sansa Stark? She was sworn to her, after all. The Starks would still want _justice_. She wondered where Jaime would have taken them. To Tarth, perhaps. Cersei hoped Brienne wasn’t taking her there. 

“Pentos,” Brienne replied shortly. 

_Pentos_. She supposed it was better than being surely executed at the hands of the Starks. And it would only take about three days to get there. 

Cersei looked at Brienne. She would never understand what Jaime had ever seen in her. She had noticed Brienne was in love with him the first day they had met, but _how_ could Jaime ever take his eyes off Cersei long enough to ride off to Winterfell to fight alongside that huge beast? Brienne looked strange, too tall, too broad, too masculine. She was dressed in armor that Jaime had given to her and kept a Lannister sword by her side as if she was part of Cersei’s family now. Cersei wanted to take her sword from her and slice her ugly head off. 

As King’s Landing disappeared into the horizon, Cersei started to hate Brienne more and more. Cersei could have kept Jaime by her side if it wasn’t for her. Jaime would never have died. It was getting darker and colder and the sky was filled with smoke and Cersei couldn’t really tell what time it was. After what felt like hours, the dragon had finally stopped screeching. Cersei could only hope it would get killed soon enough. 

She thought of her baby. Jaime’s baby. At least there was one person she could still protect. She breathed in and out heavily, reminding herself that her baby should have become king or queen after her. It should have grown up rich and powerful in the Red Keep with both of its real parents. Brienne had destroyed that for them. 

She dozed off into several nightmares. There were huge dragons in all of them, and they had huge glowing eyes and glowing throats and they were ready to devour Cersei and everything and everyone she held dear. Jaime was in most of them, as a corpse, or as a ghost, or as a demon coming to haunt Cersei. She woke up screaming several times, and there was no one to hold her, and she was laying on hard, cold wood as Brienne steadily rowed them towards Essos, never moving a finger, never asking Cersei if she was alright, never doing anything. 

Some dreams of Cersei’s were not nightmares. She dreamed of killing Brienne with that cursed Lannister sword, she dreamed of pushing her out of the boat and drowning her in the sea, she dreamed that Brienne had been the one to stay behind in the Red Keep and not Jaime. She wanted to taunt Brienne about those dreams, wanted to threaten her, but she couldn’t find the energy to do so.

She was awake for only short periods of time over the next two days. Brienne had brought no food with her, only a limited amount of water. Her belly was aching and she could only think of how much this could hurt her baby. She demanded almost all of the water for herself and Brienne let her take it, clearly grieving too much to care about whatever Cersei wanted from her. Brienne’s attitude was aggravating. It seemed like she had given up just as much as it seemed like she wanted to stay strong and get them both to safety. She never snapped at Cersei, no matter what insults Cersei started throwing at her after a day. She just rowed them forward, lost in her thoughts. 

Cersei finally saw land. Pentos was a rather large city, protected with high walls. Brienne anchored the boat on a small, isolated part of a beach just outside the walls. Cersei couldn’t deny it was beautiful around here, but that only made her sadder. She wished she could be here with Jaime. 

“You’ll need a new name,” Brienne said. 

Cersei thought about it. Brienne was right, of course, though she hated to admit that. She couldn’t exactly go around calling herself Cersei Lannister. She thought of calling herself Joanna instead, after her mother. 

“I’ll think of one,” she said, not looking at the woman beside her. 

Brienne walked ahead of her once more and Cersei tried her hardest to keep up, but found her legs had to get used to walking again. She wanted to collapse on the ground and cry out, for Jaime, for anyone, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t let Brienne show how weak she felt. Her feet hurt after mere minutes from walking on the hot sand in her heeled boots, and the sun burned her skin and made her sweat in her thick dress. 

“We’ll need new clothes. And a house of some kind,” Brienne said as if she’d somehow noticed Cersei struggling with her clothes. Once they’d entered the city, they saw rich and beautiful houses and vibrant colors as if this city had never heard of winter. When they found a market, Cersei gazed at all the soft, thin dresses, most of them in pastel colors. She looked around until she found a faded red one. Brienne paid for it. Cersei couldn’t find it in herself to appreciate that. 

Brienne then got herself some pastel blue tunic and soft brown pants. It was almost like she was trying to be somewhat of an actual lady with them, but Cersei could already tell she would still look just as awkward as she did with her armor on. 

Brienne left her alone on the market at some point, and came back roughly an hour later with the announcement she’d found someone willing to sell them a house along the shore. 

“But I don’t have any more gold,” Brienne said, looking at the golden lion pendant around Cersei’s neck. The one thing she had left from home, from her children. The one thing that was supposed to protect her baby from harm. “It’s all we have.” 

Once again, Cersei wanted to kill her. She would not give up that pendant for anyone. Brienne could pry it off her corpse. 

“Sell your sword then,” she said instead, looking at Brienne defiantly. 

“Never. I got that fr- I need it to protect us,” Brienne said, recovering herself quickly. 

_And I need that pendant_. Cersei was ready to turn back around to King’s Landing and see if she could hide there until everything was over. 

“I don’t need a new house. I can go back to Tarth and leave you here,” Brienne said. 

Cersei sighed. Brienne would pay for this with her life someday. She reached around her neck slowly and took her necklace off, feeling almost naked without it. She brushed her fingers over the lion head and pushed it into Brienne’s hand, averting her face so Brienne would not see her cry. 

“Thank you,” Brienne said. It sounded like poison to Cersei. 

Their house was small, way too small to be comfortable for Cersei. It had one floor, thankfully two bedrooms, and something vaguely resembling a kitchen. Cersei lay down on her hard bed. Her room was dark and looked abandoned and dirty. Through her foggy window, she saw the sun and the clear blue Narrow Sea in the distance. She quickly changed out of her huge velvet dress into her new thin one. It looked strange on her. She had never worn clothes like this. Her short hair felt off, even more so than it had back in Westeros. She would finally grow it out again, she decided.

One room over, she heard Brienne loudly changing out of her armor. Cersei hated it here. She absolutely despised it. She wanted - needed - Jaime back in her arms, to comfort her, to tell her he loved her, to tell her _anything_. 

She sighed, stroked a hand through her hair and went outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking a month <3


End file.
